Fr John Mathes
CLERGY PAGE
Fr John Mathes is the current Vicar of the Parish
Fr John came to the Anglican Parish of Christ Church Essendon in January 2010 from the Diocese of Ballarat. He was made a deacon in 1991 and ordained a priest in 1992. He has worked as a Youth Worker, School Chaplain and in Parish ministry. Fr John has also been a Police Chaplain for over ten years.
Fr John is married to Carolyn and they have two adult daughters in Jillian and Trudy.
Fr John enjoys reading theology and medieval murder mysteries. He loves listening to music especially rock n roll. He enjoys walking and a chat over a good coffee. Yes he does barrack for the Essendon Bombers in the AFL.
Scroll down for Fr John's comments and Sunday Jokes.....
COME WITH US TO THE HOLY LAND
JANUARY 2013
Fr John and Carolyn are organising a pilgrimage to the Holy Land in January 2013 with Inner Faith Travel .
If interested in coming with us please contact us (see contact page) or check the Inner Faith Travel web page (see www.ift.net.au) or download the brochure below.
Come and walk in the steps of Jesus
FJ's SUNDAY JOKE 28.08.2011
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.
So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.
Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.
Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorise the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!
Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."
Then she explained to her second son, "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."
Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious."
FJ's SUNDAY JOKE 21.08.2011
Jesus and Satan were having an on going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been at it for days, and God the Father was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, fed up, he said, 'That's it! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for 2 hours and from those results I will judge who does the better job'.
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused, they faxed, they emailed, they emailed with attachments, they down loaded, they did spreadsheets, they wrote reports, they created labels and cards, they created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports, they did every job known to humanity.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then, 10 minutes before their time was up, lightning flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured and of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every obscene word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed. Finally, the electricity came back on, and both of them restarted their computers, Satan started searching frantically, screaming, 'It's gone! It's all gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out.'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past 2 hours work. Satan observed this and became irate. 'Wait,' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?
God just shrugged and said, 'Jesus saves.
FJ's SUNDAY JOKE 14.08.2011
This police officer sees an old lady driving and knitting at the same time so after driving next to her for awhile he yells to her,"PULLOVER".
She replies, "No a pair of socks".
FJ SUNDAY JOKE 07.08.2011
My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway.
"I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?"
Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
FJ SUNDAY JOKE 31.07.2011
A lady who was very lonely bought a parrot for a pet store, complete with a cage. Before purchasing it, she got a guarantee that it would talk. She took the parrot home.
A week later, she returned to the pet store, very disappointed. “The parrot doesn’t talk” The pet shop owner said, “Did you buy a mirror – every parrot needs a mirror” The lady bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot’s cage.
A week later, she returned to the pet store, very disappointed. “The parrot still doesn’t talk” The pet shop owner said, “Did you buy a ladder – every parrot needs a mirror” The lady bought a ladder and installed it in the parrot’s cage.
A week later, she returned to the pet store, very disappointed. “The parrot still doesn’t talk” The pet shop owner said, “Did you buy a swing – every parrot needs a swing” The lady bought a swing and installed it in the parrot’s cage.
A week later, she returned to the pet store, furious. The pet store owner asked whether the parrot has spoke yet? “NO he is dead” said the lady.
“Oh! that’s terrible,” said the pet shop owner, “did he say anything before he died?”
“Yes he did,” said the lady. “What did he say? Asked the pet shop owner.
The lady replied, “he gasped, don’t they sell any food at that pet shop?”
FJ SUNDAY JOKE 24.07.2011
When I was in an antique shop in a Victorian country town recently I saw this sign….
“Any unsupervised children will be given unlimited red cordial and told they can take a cute puppy home.”
A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Put your dog and your spouse in the boot of the car for an hour. When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
FJ SUNDAY 17.07.2011
A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.
The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"
One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"
FJ's SUNDAY JOKE 03.07.2011
I went to the cemetery yesterday and there were 4 pall bearers walking around with a coffin. 3 hours later they were still walking around with it. I thought to myself: "These idiots have lost the plot."
FJ's SUNDAY JOKE 26.06.2011
At St Mary's Catholic Church they have a Men’s Group. At the meeting last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a tried to treata her nice, spenda the money on her, but best is that I tooka her to Italy for our 20th anniversary!"
The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."
Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a gonna go back ta Italy ta get her."
FJ's SUNDAY JOKE 19.06.2011
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," as she knocked on her wooden table for good measure. "
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
FJ's SUNDAY JOKE 12.06.2011
Paddy went to the Bank Manager wanting a loan to start a new business. Paddy wanted $10,000 to start a duck farm. Although the Bank Manager was reluctant, Paddy convinced him that he knew what he was doing and the loan would be repaid.
After three months, the Bank manager had heard nothing from Paddy. He was a bit worried about his investment so went to visit Paddy. The Bank Manager found Paddy sitting in a Paddock looking very sad. The Bank Manager said to Paddy that he was concerned on two fronts. He had received no money so far to repay the loan and he could not see any ducks running around. Where were they?
Paddy said, “ I think I ploughed them in too deeply and gave than too much water.”
FJ's SUNDAY JOKES 05.06.2011
1. Have you heard about the new shampoo for men who are going bald, called "What's the Point?"
2. Why does bottled water that has trickled through mountains for centuries, have a used by date?